


Things Get That Bad

by runnerfangirl



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Injuries, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s02e09 Bound By Blood, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12855183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runnerfangirl/pseuds/runnerfangirl
Summary: Alec promised Magnus that he would tell the warlock if things ever got as bad as they did in Max's Rune Ceremony. He kept his promise when he called Magnus in the middle of a panic attack.





	Things Get That Bad

**Author's Note:**

> I've written this fic ages ago, but it has been a long while since I had posted anything, so I decided to post this one. Keep in mind that this was written before season 2B was aired!
> 
> I also decided to post my fics on Tumblr too! So, if you wanna cry, laugh, shout about Malec, you can find me [here](https://runnerfangirl.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Magnus was on his way to the loft when his phone rang. He had been called to heal a wounded werewolf and had spent all of his night trying to heal him. To say that he was exhausted to his bones was an understatement and he didn’t want anything more than to go back to his home and cuddle with his boyfriend.

A small smile made its way to his lips when he saw Alec’s number on his phone screen. Magnus pushed the green button a little too eagerly and greeted Alec.

“Hello, darling,” Magnus was certain that anyone could hear the smile his voice, but it fell and fear blossomed in his chest when he heard heavy sobs coming from the speaker, instead of Alec’s cheerful voice. “Alec? Alec, are you okay?!” He didn’t realize how his voice got louder with worry or how he started to run towards his loft, unconsciously.

“Mag-” Alec’s voice got cut with a sob. “Magnus, I can’t- I…”

“Alec, what happened? Where are you?” With every sob Alec was letting out, Magnus could feel his heart shattering in his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Alec and keep him away from sadness.

“It is… I can’t- Magnus…” His voice sounded so desperate that the warlock wanted to kill whoever had put his Alexander into this situation. “Magnus, _things got that bad_.”

Magnus sucked in a sharp breath and his steps halted.   “Alec,” he called out on the phone for his boyfriend. “Alexander, where are you?”

There was a moment of silence where Alec’s sobs were the only thing that could be heard through the phone. Magnus called out for his boyfriend once more while looking around to find a wall to open a portal.

“I’m, uh… I’m in your loft. I-”

“Shh, darling, it will be okay,” said Magnus as he walked towards a deserted alley. “Just hang on a little bit more for me, okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Magnus, I-” Another sob ripped out from Alec’s throat. “O-Okay.”

“Hang on for me, Alexander.” With that, Magnus hung up his phone unwillingly and let the flames appear inside his palms to create a portal to his loft.

 

“Alec?!” Magnus shouted as soon as he stepped into the loft. “Alexander?!” His eyes looked around the apartment frantically to find his boyfriend. He stopped abruptly when he thought he heard a whimper. Then, he ran towards the sound, his magic sparkling in between his fingers.

“Oh, my Alexander,” Magnus’ steps slowed down as he reached the threshold of his kitchen and saw his boyfriend crunched at the corner, his arms wrapped around his legs. Alec was rocking back and forth slowly. Magnus could hear his muffled sobs and whimpers against his knees. The boy didn’t seem to notice Magnus’ presence, since he hadn’t moved from his position when the warlock entered the room.

“Alec,” Magnus’ voice was soft despite his shouting just minutes ago. He slowly neared towards the black haired boy, hoping that he would not startle him. “Alexander…” he whispered again and put his hand on Alec’s shoulder gently. Magnus almost pulled his hand back when the Shadowhunter flinched away and another whimper left his mouth.

“Alexander, it’s me, darling. Look at me.” Magnus lifted his hand to rest it under the boy’s chin, encouraging him to look at Magnus. “I’m here, sayang.”

The warlock heard him take a deep breath before the Shadowhunter lifted his head and looked at Magnus. Soft brown eyes met with hazel that were rimmed red and filled with unshed tears. There were tracks of tears on his cheeks and his hair was disheveled, fringe sticking to his forehead.

“Magnus…” Alec breathed out and leaned forward for a second as if he wanted to wrap his arms around he warlock, but stopped before he could do so. He pulled himself back and averted his gaze away from Magnus’. His breaths were rapid and shallow, and in that exact moment Magnus felt like he could burn the whole world down if it would end Alec’s distress.

Just as the warlock was going to sit next to the Shadowhunter to be able to hug him properly, he noticed the broken glass and spilled water on the kitchen floor. The shards of glass were scattered around and some of them were dangerously close to Alec on the floor.

With a flick of his wrist, all the glass and water disappeared; but then, much to his horror, Magnus noticed some pieces of sharp glass that got stuck to the side of Alec’s forearm, making him bleed enough to turn the hem of his shirt into dark red.

The boy didn’t seem to be aware of his wounds either, though. He had already turned back into his previous position; legs pulled against his chest, arms wrapped around them, and head tucked between his body and legs, hiding out his face, leaving only a mop of black hair for Magnus to see.

“Alexander…” Magnus whispered softly and took the boy’s bleeding arm in his hands. “I’m going to heal you now, okay?”

A verbal answer didn’t come from Alec but the Shadowhunter had taken in a sharp breath between sobs, and Magnus took that as a _yes_. He snapped his fingers to conjure up his magic, and started his work to get the glass shards out of Alec’s skin and heal his wounds.

 

When all the glass was out and Alec’s arm was clean of any trace of blood, Magnus finally sat on the floor next to him and carefully wrapped his arms around the Shadowhunter. Alec’s sobs had almost died down, but his breathing was still shallow, and Magnus feared that the boy hadn’t been able to take in a deep breath properly since their conversation on the phone.

The warlock kept sitting in the same position: one hand wrapped around his lover’s shoulders, rubbing his back soothingly, the other carded through his hair, massaging his scalp and playing with his dark locks, and his lips pressed next to his ear, whispering encouraging words. After a while though, when Alec’s breathing still hadn’t turned into a steady one, Magnus pulled back enough to be able to look into his eyes and brought both of his hands upwards to cradle Alec’s face between them.

“Alexander, darling, I need you to breathe along with me, alright?” asked Magnus as he looked into his boyfriend’s hazel eyes. When Alec gave him a hesitant nod back as an answer, he kept talking and hoped that it would help calm him down. “Breathe with me, darling. Try to match your breaths to mine.”

At first, Alec kept wheezing; trying to breathe hastily only caused his breath to get stuck in his throat. Horror filled Magnus’ mind when he thought that it wasn’t working and he wasn’t being able to help Alexander. But slowly, he noticed that the Shadowhunter’s breaths were getting steadier compared to the ones before. Relief flooded through the warlock.

“You’re doing great, love. Keep going.” He kept encouraging the boy to continue to breathe along with him. “That’s it. Breathe in, hold, and out. In, hold, and out…”

After a while later, Magnus managed to get Alec’s breathing into a slow and steady one, but the boy was still shaking violently and tears were falling down his cheeks silently. Magnus wiped away the trails of tears with his thumbs as he caressed Alec’s cheekbones and left small kisses on the sides of his eyes, his nose, and the crown of his head.

“Shh,” Magnus pressed his cheek to Alec’s raven hair and murmured next to his ear. “Shh, it’s okay, sayang. I’m here, you’re okay. Don’t cry, baby.”

The boy gave him a weak nod and brought his hands up to wipe the tears away from his cheeks. In time, his tears stopped falling as Magnus kept talking next to his ear and his shivers died down until he was only trembling slightly. The warlock pulled back a little and lifted Alec’s head to look at him in the eyes.

“Alexander, would you like to come to bed?” His voice was low and cautious. He was afraid that it would scare Alec if his voice was too loud. Once again, instead of talking, the Shadowhunter gave him a weak nod and Magnus stood up, helping the other to get on his feet. “Come on, darling.” Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s torso and let the boy lean on him as they walked towards their bedroom with tranquil steps.

With a snap of his fingers, Magnus opened the bedroom door and turned on the lights, making them illuminate the room with a soft, orange glow. He helped Alec to get under the covers and snapped his fingers once more, changing both of their clothes into comfortable pajama bottoms and baggy t-shirts.

Magnus got under the covers along with Alec and lay on his side to look at the hazel eyes staring back at him. The Shadowhunter was still clutching at Magnus’ hand in his and was looking at him with sad eyes. The warlock raised his hand, which wasn’t in between Alec’s, and rested it on the raven-haired boy’s cheek, his thumb caressing the skin on his cheekbone. Magnus’ heart skipped a beat when Alec lifted his head to nuzzle against the palm of his hand.

“Sayang,” Magnus whispered, knowing how much Alec liked hearing the words of endearment in his mother tongue. “Do you want to talk about what had happened?”

The Shadowhunter didn’t nod nor shook his head. Magnus guessed that he was debating what to do in his mind. “It’s okay, I’m here. You’re okay, darling.” He whispered, hoping it would encourage Alec to talk about what had caused his panic attack. He didn’t want him to hide his problems from Magnus, to hide himself away from people.

Alec let out a shuddering breath before he started to talk and Magnus counted that as a success.

“M-Mother was at the Institute today,” Before the rest of the sentence came, Magnus already had an idea of what had happened. “She was talking about the wedding, about- about us. She… She told me that-that I disappointed her… that if I wasn’t selfish, the Institute wouldn’t be at the risk of being taken from our hands. I couldn’t- It’s just… I was-”

Magnus cut his stuttering off by placing his thumb above Alec’s lips. He was about to tell him how wrong his mother was and that he was anything but a disappointment, but Alec beat him into talking. “And then…” Alec shivered again before continuing. “Then I saw Clary. She was in Simon’s arms and she was- she was crying for her mother.”

“Oh, my poor baby,” muttered Magnus.

“I- I killed her, Magnus. I killed Clary’s mother.” At this point, tears were falling freely down his cheeks. “I should have been in her place, Magnus. I murdered her. I killed her… I killed her…” Alec kept murmuring the same sentence over and over again as Magnus pulled his head to his shoulder and wrapped his arms tightly around the Shadowhunter.

“No, Alexander, listen to me. You’re not a murderer. I wasn’t you, it was the demon. You’re not responsible for her death, sayang.”

But Alec was still shaking his head in denial as if the words were not registering to his mind. “No, I let a demon in. I should have been stronger. I let a demon possess me. I killed her… I was my fault… My fault…”

Magnus decided to try and convince Alec from another way. “Do you think Isabelle is not strong enough?”

“What?” Alec lifted his head at the sudden change of topic.

“Do you think Isabelle is not strong enough, Alexander?” Magnus repeated his question again.

“No. Of course not!”

“But the demon possessed her, too.”    

“Wha-” Alec’s hazel eyes were looking back at Magnus curiously. His eyes widened slightly as his mind caught up with Magnus’ words. “B-But…”

“See,” Magnus swiped his fingers under the hazel eyes once more to catch the falling tears. “It is not about being strong, my dear. You couldn’t keep a demon from possessing, it wasn’t something you were trained to do. It’s not about strength, Alexander. None of it was your fault. It was a demon who killed Jocelyn by using your body, you can’t keep blaming yourself for being possessed. No one blames you, darling. No one thinks that it was your fault. So, please, stop beating yourself up for this. Please, for me at least…

“And don’t you ever dare to think of yourself as a disappointment, Alec. You mother is just confused, and this,” Magnus waved his hand between their bodies, gesturing both of them. “This is just new for her. She clearly doesn’t understand it, nor accepts the fact that she could be the one who is wrong.

“Instead, she chooses to believe that something is wrong with you. But believe me, cantik, there’s not a single thing wrong about you, and you are far from being a disappointment. You’re perfect,” Magnus placed a kiss on Alec’s cheek. “Amazing…” A kiss on his nose. “Strong…” A kiss on his forehead. “And beautiful.” A kiss on Alec’s pink lips.

The Shadowhunter didn’t shook his head or denied Magnus’ words this time. Instead, he focused on the feeling of the warlock’s lips on his and lost himself in their kiss, forgetting about all of his struggles even if it was just for a moment and letting pure happiness consume him along with the feeling of being loved despite everything.

Alec rested his forehead against Magnus’ after they had parted. “Thank you,” he whispered. His voice was steady and strong; unlike the way it was wavering just minutes ago. It was a thank you to Magnus for helping Alec that night, for understanding him unlike everyone else, for making him feel loved, and for loving him…

Alec didn’t need to voice these thoughts, though. He knew Magnus would understand the meaning behind his words, as he always did. Magnus always knew what he was thinking, even when Alec couldn’t form coherent sentences; Magnus always understood what he was feeling, even when Alec wasn’t sure of what the rapidly beating of his heart meant; and Magnus was always there for him, even when Alec wasn’t aware of the fact that he needed someone to keep him standing.

The hazel-eyed boy gave his boyfriend a chaste kiss on the lips before pulling back to rest his head on his pillow, their faces close enough to let their noses touch each other and their bodies tangled together under the covers to let them feel each other’s heartbeats. Alec closed his eyes with a relieved sigh, and his hands clutching at Magnus’ to keep the warlock as close to him as he could. Their breaths mixing into each other’s in the quiet room, Magnus’ hot skin touching Alec’s cold one, the Shadowhunter let the sleep consume him with a small smile at the edge of his lips. In the morning, Alec knew that Magnus would be there for him, would understand him, and would continue love him.


End file.
